Wreckx-N-Effect had a profound impact on my high school experience.  But before I jump right into why & how, the following details must be shared:

The year was 1993.  I was a Freshman, 14 to be exact. If I’m being generous with myself, I was creeping up on the end of the horror that was my awkward stage.

Because I had turned down the one boy that asked me to the Homecoming dance (in my defense, he was a little scary) I ended up going to the dance with 2 friends.

The irrelevant, but noteworthy details:

-The Dress: Purchased at McAlpins.  It was hunter green, crushed velvet with a slightly lighter shade of hunter green satin bow.  The bow, to be clear, was larger then any bow ever should ever be - so much so - that one tip actually hit my chin if I turned my head to the left.  I paired it with nude hose purchased at Caldor’s and black patten chunky heels with a peep toe.

-The Hair: Done by a young woman, unlikely to have completed her cosmetology license, working at the Regis Hair Salon in the mall.  The ‘do itself was a half back/half down Shirley-Temple curl kinda thing with a silver & hunter green (obviously) hair clip.

-The Make-up: Purple. And lots of it.

Okay, so in retrospect, I was creeping slowly toward the end of my awkward stage.

Regardless, here’s where Wreckx-N-Effect comes into play.

After our dinner of Pizza Hut stuffed crust and a liter of Sunkist each, we made our way awkwardly to the outskirts of the dance floor.  We lingered stage right, toward the back of the cafeteria dancing in our own little circle.  After about an hour, I bravely made my way to the bathroom solo.  When I walked in, there was a group of 10-12 upperclassman girls primping in front of the mirror.  Before any of them even glanced my way, I turned on my heel and walked back out, deciding to wait outside until they left.  I killed time by focusing on a pretend search for a pretend something in my black crushed velvet purse. While I was on this desperate search for nothing, the DJ cued up “Rumpshaker”.  I, of course, knowing all of the words started to unconsciously lip-sync.

Jog your memory here:

It was mid-way through the song that I had my very own “Not Another Teen Movie” moment.  THE (at least in my mind) Jake Ryan* of my high school started talking to me.  The conversation went like this:

Jake: “Have you ever seen the video for this song?”

Me: ……….

Jake: “It’s stupid.”

Me: ……….

Jake: “You were mouthing the words.”

Me:  ………….”I like the beat.”  (I LIKE THE BEAT?!?!)

Jake: “I don’t like rap. You listen to STP?”

Me: …………………………

Jake: “Stone Temple Pilots?”

Me: …………………………

Saved by the crew of aforementioned cool chicks (one of which was his girlfriend) coming out of the bathroom.  He left without a second glance (cue OMD) while my stomach turned and my hands went all cold and clammy.  Thus anointing my first high school crush.

Epilogue:

This story does not end with a birthday cake on his parent’s dining room table, a kiss at a Saturday detention or moonlit dance alongside a pool.  However, the following week I passed Jake in the hall.  This time I had the nerve not to look down as we passed.  And he said “hey” as only super cool football players can.  Swoon.

To this day, every time I hear, “….I like the stylish clothes you wear, it’s just the little things you do, that makes me wanna get with you.  All I wanna do is zoooma zoom zoom zoom and a boom boom….” I can’t help but think of my Molly Ringwald moment.

*All names of been changed to protect their reputation and minimize my own humiliation.

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